Going to Mars / Donald Trump

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Welcome!  Happy New Year!

Congratulations for discovering my blog!  I wish you all the best in your reading adventures, and in fact all of your future endeavors in years to come!

Without further ado, lets get to it.

I was thinking of what special content I can present you with for my first post.  Perhaps I can answer fan mail letters.  Yes, lets do that!

But first, a critique of some current events.


No one is ever going to Mars.  No one.  Ever.  Never.  In the future history of human adventures, no one is ever going to Mars.  Forget about all the hype of this so-called one-way ticket for a new colony to inhabit Mars.  Its not going to happen.

They say that Mars is very similar to Earth.  Lets examine that with some facts about Mars:

  1. Its day is 24 hours, 40 minutes long.  Very close to Earth’s day indeed. Just 40 minutes longer.  Perfect for the stay-up-late and sleep-in type of person you say?  Can you imagine having to readjust to this jet lag (space lag) every single day?  No, it ain’t gonna happen.
  2. Its gravity is about 35% that of Earth.  Not so similar there.  Great for playing basketball, slam dunking and all.  Bouncing around like a big fat balloon.  Hey, this sounds like fun.  I like the gravity!
  3. The atmosphere is, well, not there.  Oh, that’s a problem.  Sure, let’s live in one giant bubble on Mars and hope that no gangster shoots through it.  This is a problem.  Just ask Arnold when he tried it out.

arnold total recall

Figure 1:  Arnold gasping for breath on Mars.

Finally, what type of people sign up for a one-way ticket to Mars?  Crazy people, that’s who!  Hey, let’s start a colony with a bunch of crazy people!  What can go wrong?


Donald Trump will not be President.  Never.  Ever.  I have no idea how he has the support he does at the moment, but whichever uncharismatic Democrat he goes up against, he will lose.  That is because he is a rabid blubbering Loonie Tune, and Americans aren’t going to want him to run the country.  Republicans might.  But Americans won’t.  That’s it.  No further commentary on the Donald.  Just look at his picture below!

rob ford

Figure 2: Donald Trump staring.


And now for some fan mail, as promised.

Hey Mr. DRAGONE, have you seen the new Star Wars movie?   Tom

Hey Tom.  No I have not.  I believe in Star Trek, not Star Wars.  That is because I am a peaceful person.  And also because I really like the Holodeck.

Mr. DRAGONE, do you have any New Years resolutions?  Also, I love your blog.  Signed, Stephanie.

Why Stephanie, I thank you for your heart felt admiration.  And also, I love your letter.  However, I do not believe in New Years resolutions.  I believe in every day resolutions.  Here is the code I live by:

  1. Love like you’ll never be hurt.
  2. Dance like nobody’s watching.
  3. Watch like nobody’s watching you back.
  4. Make love like someone is watching.
  5. Sing like nobody’s listening.
  6. Cook like nobody’s eating.
  7. Eat like nobody’s watching.
  8. Blog like nobody’s reading.

Dear Mr. DRAGONE, with all due respect I don’t understand how you could have fan mail on your first day of blogging.  Are you for real?  Just curious, Bob.

Dear Bob, I thank you for your well written and thought provoking question.  But please allow me to turn your question around and ask this to you:  How is it possible that you can write a letter to me if this is my first blog?  I await your answer with great anticipation, curiosity, and trepidation.  I hope you do as well.




DRAGONE critiques news, entertainment, sports, fashion, and love. He also has ADD, but that is irrelevant.
This entry was posted in Humor and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Going to Mars / Donald Trump

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