Hollywood trained him to act in diverse roles. Marriage to Madonna gave him courage. Organizing humanitarian aid in Haiti put his heart in the right place. Years and years of chain smoking tested his physical stamina. And now, it all came together in this moment. The culmination of a life worth living. The capture of El Chapo.
Figure 1: Sean Penn in his early years, ordering a pizza in high school. Little did he know then what an adventurous life he would lead.
It is not clear to me when the CIA began training Sean Penn. But let me tell you, readers, they sure did a good job.
Figure 2: The CIA interviews Sean Penn for the role of his lifetime.
It is my feeling that El Chapo wished to become a movie star, and this is how he was lured. Perhaps he wanted to play the drug kingpin in a revival of “Breaking Bad”. Perhaps it will be called “Breaking Worse”. Perhaps he will have to contend with Gus the Chicken Man. Say, I never saw Walter White actually die, did you?
Figure 3: Gus the Chicken Man.
I apologize, my devoted readers, but there is no fan mail today. It is, after all, Sunday.