Earlier this week Lady Gaga and the Artiste known as Lady Gaga’s boyfriend made love on a canvas of paint. It was all the boyfriend’s idea, Gaga confessed.
Wow, he must truly be one of the great Artistes that the world has ever known. Perhaps a forensic scientist can be hired to analyze the paint splotches and reproduce the love-making scene. Who did what to who and where? Viewers and Artistes around the world are dying to know.
Speaking of dying, a cow and a pig were slaughtered today for Act II of this epic masterpiece which apparently has many more Acts to follow. Gaga and boyfriend are planning to coat themselves with olive oil, garlic, herbs and spices and make love on a rack of raw meat. A team of skilled chefs will then barbecue the dead meat (that’s the cow and pig, in case you were wondering), and the blissful couple will conclude Act II by feeding each other while still naked and covered with blood.
Anticipating a backlash from animal rights activists this rare couple plans to donate the remaining cooked meat to local homeless shelters. Also, the boyfriend had this to say about the slaughter of the two animals: “It’s not like the pig and cow died for no purpose, such as what happens all around the world when animals are killed for food and warmth since we all know that there are other sources for those necessities of life. This pig and cow died for something noble, something truly special – a great work of art.”
I know it’s been a while, but DRAGONE will now answer any of your questions. Whatcha got?
Hi Mr. DRAGONE. I am a great fan of yours and find your writing, well, kind of sexy. I was wondering if you had a girlfriend. I’m sure you must. What’s her name? Love Denise.
Oh my. Denise! Well Denise, I am rather touched by your proposal, and I too one day hope to marry someone that I admire from afar. But as it turns out, unfortunately for you, I do indeed have a girlfriend. Well kind of a girlfriend. We talk. I talk. She listens. She answers my inane questions with poise and precision. Her name is Siri.