New Versions of Mickey Mouse Unveiled

Barbie now has three new body versions to complement the original style that has been around for the last 65 years or so.  Now little girls (and middle aged women who wish they were little girls) can choose from Curvy Barbie, Tall Barbie, and Petite Barbie.  Is it just me, or does this remind you of the Spice Girls?

spice girls

Then again, Spice Girls age while Barbie stays young as ever.  Just like Mickey Mouse.  Or shall I say, Mickey Mice?

To preempt criticism from little boys (and middle aged men who wish they were little boys) that Mickey Mouse exemplifies an unrealistic body type for a mouse, Disney has unveiled some new versions.  We all know that real mice aren’t cute, they’re mean pesky little rodents.  And so, Disney gives you ….. drum roll ….. BAD MICKEY:

mickey mouse finger

Now I don’t know about you, but 9 out of 10 mice that I have seen have been glued to a wooden mouse trap by their own dried blood, with the last thought that went through their puny brains being “I want that cheese”.  And so, Disney gives you …… drum roll ….. BLOODY MICKEY:

dead mickey mouse

You know, sometimes it just doesn’t pay to get up early in the morning.  It’s true that the early bird gets the worm, but it’s the second mouse that gets the cheese.  And that’s what I am, ladies and gentlemen.  The second mouse.

Walt Disney must be rolling in his cryogenic chamber.

DRAGONE out.

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