Whenever anyone asks me who I think is the hottest woman in Hollywood I’m stumped for an answer. You see, I actually watch a movie for the story and the acting. It never occurs to me to watch a movie because I think someone is hot. Or rather, it never occurred to me until last night.
Charlize Theron, you sure know how to wear a red dress right.
Today I heard that she is with Sean Penn. I like Sean Penn, so good for him I thought, at first. But then I thought about how old he is, or rather how old he looks, and it bothered me. Not because I have a problem with age differences in Hollywood relationships. But I do have a problem with attractiveness differences in Hollywood relationships.
I think to myself, if that ugly motherfucker can date her, why can’t I? What can I say, I get jealous easily, and my daydreams are deliriously unrealistic.
But later today I did some research and found out that Charlize Theron broke up with Sean Penn and is in fact a single woman right now. Too bad Sean Penn, you lose. Party on duuuuude, or whatever it is you said to Mr. Hand. And watch your back cuz apparently El Chapo is no poster boy for mental health, and he’s seriously pissed off and doing time right now.
But enough about you, Sean Penn. I’d rather fill my head with happy thoughts.
Charlize Theron, I’m in love with you.