DRAGONE never does things half-assed. Either full-assed, or no ass at all. But never half-assed.
I took a sharp and critical eye to my blog over the past few days and made the difficult assessment that DRAGONE has lost his edge. His mojo. His swagger that makes him a mofo.
Well fear not, my devoted followers. At the first sign of blogging ED (that’s short for erectile dysfunction for you younger readers) DRAGONE swallowed a blue pill, the whole damn pill. He paid no less than $480 to go and see the great, talented, wise, and very beautiful Miss Veronica. A blogging coach who was sure to have a cure for my shriveled up blogging mojo. There she is, to your left. She is shy and didn’t want her picture taken.
To put himself in the proper frame of mind, DRAGONE applied the coarsest of bastard files he could find to his canine teeth. He sharpened them with gusto and precision. No my friends, this is not a metaphor. DRAGONE does not metaphor. I have literally filed my fangs into sharp and dangerous weapons. I now feel like a lion. No, a python. No, a crocodile. Rolling around in the mud, waiting to snap those chompers on an unsuspecting baby tortoise.
In this frame of mind, DRAGONE is ready to blog. But first, it was imminent that he get some professional blogging advice from Miss Veronica.
Miss V began with an exercise called “The Wheel of Life” where she had me draw patterns around a pie chart of words that hinted at some sort of aura of meaningfulness. Then she had me submit a 6-month, one year, two year, three year, five year, and ten year blogging plan, in no particular order. One key to a successful blog, she said, is to fill up your readers’ pages with numerous daily posts. Not blogs, but posts, such as plans for blogs.
And on and on she went. “Like” every blog you see. Do not read them, that is time consuming, and time is your enemy. You don’t have to actually like a blog, just “like” it. Then put your trust in the culture of reciprocity.
At the end of my $480 session, Miss Veronica had one final piece of gold nugget stuck in her spaghetti colander. “Every blog is unique, my dear. There are no rules. Do whatever you want with your blog, as long as you do it with passion and authenticity.”
There are no rules? Hmmmmm. There are no rules. “But what about all the advice you just gave me in the past hour?” I asked as she slammed the door in my face, with gusto and precision. DRAGONE never did like these power plays in his relationships with the opposite sex.
Damn, I just bit my lip. It hurts like hell, but the blood tastes sweet. DRAGONE is now ready to blog. With gusto and precision.