It seems like there’s been so many special days lately that I thought to myself, “DRAGONE, why don’t you make a special day for yourself and others to share?”  As always, I’ve turned my wacked thoughts into action, and here it is.

I proclaim a new special day.  International Fuck the Dog Day!  Enjoy.  There will be no need to turn this day into a holiday, as explained by the nature of the day below.

“Fuck the dog”.  Now maybe some of you don’t know what this little saying means.  I think it might be a local Canadian thing, so let me explain.  No we Canadians don’t go around fucking dogs.  What this saying means is to do nothing, especially when you are at work.  Do nothing.  Be lazy.  Surf the Internet.  Fuck the dog.

I grew up with this expression, knowing what it means, and I’ve often wondered about its origin.  I used to think it meant that a person got so bored at work that they resorted to fucking the dog.  But then I thought, you know, no matter how bored I was, even if I was paralyzed from the neck down and couldn’t do anything, I don’t think that I would ever resort to fucking the dog.  First off, if I was paralyzed from the neck down then the dog would have to fuck me, and that ain’t gonna happen (unless I dip myself in peanut butter — does oral sex count?).  Ummm …. no.  It’s not an issue with boredom.  I would never fuck the dog.

Researching deeper into the origins of this expression I have found that it comes from another saying, “screw the pooch”.  That sounds very much the same.  But what this means is to screw something up at work (not the dog).  As in to make a big blunder.  Then this saying morphed into “fuck the dog”, which used to mean the same thing, but somehow (at least here where I live) its meaning changed into “waste time at work”.

Here’s a texting example of its use:

Me: “Hey Larry, whatchya doin?”

Larry:  “Nothin bro.  Fuckin the dog.”

Me:  “Yeah me too.  Work’s shit today.”

Happy International Fuck the Dog Day, everyone!  Just be careful not to get caught!

DRAGONE out.