April Fool’s Day is almost upon us, and I have to be honest with you guys. I just ain’t feeling it. As you have probably surmised by now, there’s nothing that gives me greater pleasure than to make fun of someone, including myself. It’s not what I do, it’s who I am.
April Fool’s Day takes all the spontaneity out of the whole pranking process. Everyone’s expecting it. They may not know what to expect, but they know to expect. No, that’s not how my biorhythm works. When I feel the urge to do it, that is when I do it.
I haven’t always been such an April Fool’s naysayer. In the past I’ve splattered shaving cream from the end of a large envelope placed in that little space underneath a college girl’s dorm room door. I’ve blown baby powder with a tiny fan underneath that same door. I’ve hidden a praying mantis in a coworker’s desk drawer after first putting all of his writing utensils in the same drawer. I’ve removed the contents of a penicillin pill, replaced it with red food dye, unscrewed the head of my roommate’s shower, and placed the red dye pill in the path of the shower water. In Grade 5 I strung a giant rubber spider overtop of the hanging lights in my classroom so that it hung overtop of a supply teacher, while the end of the string that controlled the spider’s height was in my hand.
Playing pranks on April Fool’s Day feels like when your wife or girlfriend gives you that nudge with her elbow in the side of your ribs, telling you to say thank you to her mother for buying you the tools you need to fix that leaky faucet. Or like when your husband or boyfriend buys you a small kitchen appliance for your birthday. Or like when that little toddler, with his mom looking on, brings you a nature present that he found in the muddy playground. You say thank you because you have to, not because you want to. I don’t want to feel like I have to do something, particularly something as personal to me as playing a joke on someone.
What I now like to do on the first day of April is to buy people flowers. Probably because I refuse to buy flowers on Valentine’s Day. I like to wish people happy birthday not on their birthday, but whenever I feel like it. It’s just a nice thing to do. I wear black to weddings, white to funerals, and I drape myself with a rainbow flag on St. Patrick’s Day. I do, however, order the green milkshakes from McDonald’s. Speaking of nutrition, I eat pasta for breakfast and pasta for lunch and pasta dinner (fooled ya with that one). Don’t ask me what day I give out Christmas presents.