Mrs. DRAGONE and I fight about food and coffee.  It’s cloaked as a fight about health.  It’s really a fight about the planet.

She believes in a vegetable based diet.  Because she claims it’s healthy, but more importantly because it saves the planet.  Raising animals for food is bad for the planet.  It’s also bad for the animals.  But even more important than all of that, we must support our local farmers and buy local vegetables.

Her favourite dishes all begin with a vegetable, such as portabella mushrooms.  I’m confused.  If you ask me what my favourite dishes are, none of them begin with a vegetable.  Vegetables are equivalent to condiments, added for diversity and for visual appearance.  Well fine, I eat some vegetables, I know I have to.  But a dish based on vegetables?  It’s not healthy for my Slovak stomach – it gives me the runs.  I need meat.

I can’t stand cleaning up all the little vegetable bits on our kitchen counter, the inside of the electric mixer, and damn they get stuck on the blades of all our knives which are downright dangerous to scrub with the force that is required to clean them.

Oh yeah, and I hate beans.  They really do make me fart.  More than the red meat.  Just so you know.

I know all of our local farmer’s markets.  I love our local farmer’s markets.  It’s a nice way to get out, meet a few people, and they even sell coffee which I am addicted to in the mornings.  Oh yeah, about that coffee.

I only drink Tim Horton’s coffee (it’s a Canadian thing).  I tried drinking Mrs. DRAGONE’s coffee yesterday, the organic free trade coffee that sits on our kitchen counter.  She even brought me home some Tim Horton’s cream containers (in a Tim Horton’s cup) to use with the organic free trade coffee.  I tried it, and I still got a caffeine headache.

Why you ask?  Mrs. DRAGONE says that Tim Horton’s puts a secret additive into their coffee (other than caffeine) which is addictive.  Well if it’s true, it works for me.  I had Timmy’s today and no caffeine headache.

I really do wish that all those coffee bean pickers in other parts of the world got paid more.  I wish that they didn’t have to get sick, injured, or die while picking coffee beans for my coffee.  I really don’t know what I’m talking about here, but I get the gist of it that the working conditions are not ideal.

Sorry Mrs. DRAGONE.  I love you, and I believe in all of your causes.  I’m just too selfish to give up my favourite things in life.

The Earth will go down in flames while my belly purrs like a kitten.  But not today,  because it’s supposed to snow.

And in related news, DRAGONE Junior got an A+ on his rant assignment for English.  He’s not normally a good writer, but I guess he’s a passionate ranter.  A chip off the old block.

DRAGONE out.