Today, DRAGONE shall be known as Mr. Fancypants. That is because he is wearing fancy pants. He is also wearing a fancy shirt with a fancy tie, and a fancy suit jacket. These latter items are irritating DRAGONE, errrrr … Mr. Fancypants, more than his fancy pants. His throat is constricted despite the fact that the top button on his shirt is not done up, a transgression carefully hidden by his tie.
About that tie. Its so goddamn ugly, it reminds me of fancy stained glass church windows. But whatever, it’s the only day of the year that I wear a tie. Parent-teacher interviews. And I, Mr. Fancypants, am the teacher.
You know what they say about teachers. “If you can’t do, then teach.” Oh hardy har har, that is a good one. So good, in fact, that we used to make that joke all the time in teacher’s college. Except there we’d add a line to that quote and say “If you can’t teach, then teach at teacher’s college.” But I digress ….. (I do that a lot).
Mr. Fancypants is being sneaky. His eyes are shifty. His ears are perked. He is doing something alone in his classroom that he should not be doing. He is …. gasp …. blogging. That’s right, he is using his work computer for personal pleasure. But he is being so sneaky about it, that he is writing his blog as an email from his personal gmail account, to that very same account, thinking that it may not leave a trace on the work computer. He is probably wrong because he knows nothing about computers.
Mr. Fancypants sneaks some coffee and lemon tarts that are decoratively displayed for people that are important here. Definitely not teachers or students. Mr. Fancypants wants to undo his pants. They are getting uncomfortable. But that would be inappropriate, and I don’t think his tie could cover it up.
Oh lord help me, I have to stay here for 4 more hours doing shit all, smiling whenever a parent comes by, and reciting their report card comment back to them. It’s not that I mind the parents. It’s just that it’s so boooooooring.
The reason Mr. Fancypants became a teacher was so that he could hang around kids all day who, in his fancy opinion, are definitely not boring. They are funny, even when they’re not trying to be, and they put Mr. Fancypants in a good mood. The other reason is so that Mr. Fancypants can wear non-fancy pants every day except for one. This damn day.
Mr. Fancypants out.