Focusing on one thing and doing it well is so old fashioned. It’s like the art of handwriting. I can respect nice hand writing, but let’s be real here. It’s just not a necessary skill anymore. Same with cooking, ironing, and shoe polishing. Who has the time to focus on one thing nowadays anyways? Not me, that’s for sure.
Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not claiming to be an expert multi-tasker either. Actually, I really suck at that. But what I am good at is jumping from one task to another, or one topic to another. Not so much jumping, but sliding. It may look like a random jump, but it’s really a gradual, albeit steep, slide. But then again, if it looks random, then it may as well be random.
The Butterfly Effect is this crazy theory where a butterfly that flaps its wings, in say New York, can induce a devastating earthquake in Mozambique. Or something like that. I once experimented around with the butterfly effect. Yup, I turned my entire basement into a butterfly conservatory just to see what sort of natural disasters might follow. Well the only thing that happened was that these butterflies attracted swarms of caterpillars. Fucking caterpillars. Oh how I can’t stand insects.
I like surprising people with random compliments. Not only are compliments nice, but the surprise element gives the person a little kick in the pants. Especially in the morning. For example, with my coworkers. “Happy Birthday” I’ll say to Marie. She gets surprised because, in all likelihood, it is not her birthday. And if it is, then it’s even more of a surprise because there’s no way that she would tell me that sort of personal information. But my good intentions leave her with a smile on her face.
“Congratulations on your latest promotion, Andrew”. Andrew is confused, but a little more awake. And he leaves our little encounter with a smile on his face. “Sujin, your recent pregnancy has given you a really attractive glow. A nice change to your skin complexion.” Of course it’s a lie, I’m pretty sure, since Sujin has not yet been allowed to move out of her parents’ home let alone have a boyfriend with whom she engages in sexual intercourse, but remember — it’s the intention to be nice that counts. “Happy Hanukkah, Ali.” And so on.
Six Degrees of Separation is another crazy theory. Anyone on this planet can be related to anyone else on this planet by six connections. Does this apply to animals as well, such as yaks? I’m not sure. But to test this theory I will begin with one of the best actors to have ever lived – Ricardo Montalban. And no, I will not connect him to me in 6 steps. No, that would be too easy. Instead, I will connect him all the way back to himself. That’s right, full circle. Yin Yang.
For added entertainment I shall use The Count from Sesame Street to count to 6:
Vuuuunnn! Ricardo Montalban (Mr. Roarke) starred alongside Herve Villechaize (Tattoo) on “Fantasy Island”.
Tooooooo! Herve Villechaize is a midget, and so is Danny DeVito.
Trrreeeee! AAAAH AAAAH AAAAAAAAH! [inexplicable bolts of lightning]. Danny DeVito starred alongside Arnold Schwarzenegger in “Twins”.
Fooorrrrr! Arnold Schwarzenegger had pecs, and so did Ricardo Montalban.
But wait, that’s only Fooorrrr! Let’s take the scenic route to get to six.
Again Foooorrrr! Arnold Schwarzenegger became Governor of Califooorrrrrrnya.
Fiiiiiivvve! That reminds me of a song by the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Siiiiiixxxxx! AAAAAH AAAAH AAAAAAAAAH! [inexplicable bolt of lightning]. Some chili peppers come from Mexico, just like Ricardo Montalban.
And there you have it, I have proven the Six Degrees of Separation theorem in only four steps, but took it to six just cause I was having fun and wanted to take the scenic route.
R.I.P. Ricardo Montalban.