I’m sitting on a cushion with a hole in the middle. It’s purposely made that way. You see, I finished the afternoon with a high protein chocolate peanut butter bar. This was followed by two hours of playing soccer with children more than 30 years younger than myself. And I went all out. Nobody plays with the intensity of DRAGONE like DRAGONE does. And then, for dinner, I had a spicy beef burrito.
Well that was the last straw, said my body. The three S’s ensued. The shakes, followed by the shivers, followed by the sweats, followed by the shits. Oh wait, that’s four. And now my butt is sore. Sensitive to the touch, not that I would touch it, but it hurts to sit with all my weight balanced on the middle of it. And so I sit on a donut butt cushion.
Now I just want to be really clear on one thing. This is not my donut butt cushion. It belongs to Mrs. DRAGONE, who broke her tailbone a few years back. I say this because I feel the need to defend myself. Because I am not the type of guy that has butt problems on a regular basis. No, that would be like my elderly neighbor next door who sits outside naked, with just a thin towel overtop of his lap. He would be the type of deteriorating man who would own a donut butt cushion. Not me. Not DRAGONE. Because DRAGONE is still a real man. A real man who does not even need reading glasses to help his eyesight, let alone a donut butt cushion to help his incontinence. I’m not sure I used the right word there.
Now that my butt pains have subdued, I feel like ice cream. Shhhhh … I’m going to have to sneak this one in. Mrs. DRAGONE is still awake and she has bionic ears.