Hello.  My name is DRAGONE.  And I’m a compulsive cracker.

Since the age of 6 I’ve been cracking every part of my body that cracks.  My parents used to warn me that I would get arthritis when I’m old.  Like that’s a real threat to a 6 year old.   Well snap crackle pop and Shazam, like a flash of lightning I’ve been transported into the body of a 50 year-old man.

And guess what?  I’m still a compulsive cracker, and I don’t have arthritis.  In fact, my body feels great.  I have anti-arthritis.  I do squats in the weight room with real weight.  I can bench press my entire family, as they were 5 years ago, before my 16 year old filled out.  And best of all, I can bend my fingers back so that they touch the back of my hand.  Because I’m a cracker.  (not the weight lifting part – that’s because I have ADD and can’t sit still, which is also why I’m a cracker)

Fingers (2 knuckles each) plus thumb and toes, wrists and ankles, both elbows (though I had to take a 10 year break from my right elbow due to an unrelated injury), both knees when I flex my quads, my lower back when I twist just right, my neck when I apply tension to the side with my hand, and more recently up high on my neck when I bend it forward and squeeze.  My jaw can crack on command, over and over, at will.  Now that’s what you call multiple crackasms.

I occasionally go to a chiropractor who cracks my back in ways that I can’t.  Now just think about it – we pay medical professionals to crack our backs, for the purpose of preventing things like arthritis.  Hah!  My chiropractor is a wonderful man.  He’s very kind, and so I will not give him a hard time for having to readjust himself, and me, before a recent crack.  “You’re bigger than the average bear” he said to me.

Well I have seen bears in my time, and I can tell you that I’m not even bigger than a small bear.  But that’s all right doc, I’ll give you that one.  Crack away.

DRAGONE out.