Men have needs. Mrs. DRAGONE still fails to understand this. After a long day at work, playing soccer with teenagers, I come home tired and exhausted. More exhausted than tired usually. And when I come home, I expect a certain level of understanding around my needs.
Typically, after soccer practice, and then after sitting in a car for an hour, I have difficulty walking. My various leg muscles cramp up and honestly I don’t know how I even manage to make it home with the constant push and release of the brake that is necessary for a rush hour commute. By the time I get home, my legs have ceased to function.
But that is only superficial exhaustion. The real exhaustion sets in when I become dizzy and have difficulty seeing, speaking, and swallowing. My head begins to sweat profusely at which point I NEED an ice pack on my head and the back of my neck. And if this is not enough, as was the case a few days ago, then I NEED cold sugar.
Yes, the baby is crying and needs attention (that would be the real baby in our house, not yours truly). But DRAGONE has NEEDS. Ice cream!!! We have granola bars and popsicles says Mrs. DRAGONE, who purposely keeps “bad” food out of the house due to the potential of junk food abuse. No, she doesn’t understand. I NEED ice cream. My electrolytes need to be replenished.
But there are no electrolytes in ice cream she says. However, I trust my body. When it speaks to me with such conviction, I listen. Since I’m now in my PJs and can’t be seen outdoors in this state, I must resort to a drive-thru of some sort. McDonald’s milkshakes! I NEED a large chocolate McDonald’s milkshake!
Well, not only are there no electrolytes in a McDonald’s milkshake, says Mrs. DRAGONE, but there is also a lack of milk, or any substance that might qualify as “food”. Food, chemicals, edible oil products, it’s all good, says DRAGONE. As long as its cold and sweet, it will heel my body.
Well suffice to say, order was restored in the house after DRAGONE got his needs met. The large size milkshake is rather large, and I was unable to finish it. As a scientific curiosity, I kept the remainder in the fridge for a few days. It’s still thick and frothy on the top. You don’t know whether to eat it with a spoon or drink it with a straw. Ahhhh, the magic of McDonald’s shakes.