2016 Predictions: The Aftermath of the Taylor Swift / Calvin Harris Break Up

yogi bear and boo boo

 

“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future” – The Great Yogi Berra

 

  1. The heartbroken Calvin Harris will go back to his roots. He will decide that Calvin is too nerdy a name for a hip guy like himself and so will legally change his name back to his birth name, Adam Richard Wiles.
  2. He will move back to his hometown of Scotland and buy a parrot that he could train to agree with everything he says. He will name the parrot Tay-Tay.
  3. Old school friends will come to visit him, feigning sympathy in the hopes of receiving substantial “loans” for their new start-up ventures while Calvin/Adam is still vulnerable.
  4. Calvin/Adam will attempt suicide by drowning, but will be saved by the Loch Ness Monster.
  5. Nobody will believe him, except for Tay-Tay.
  6. Taylor Swift will surprise a fan and show up at his wedding to sing “Blank Space”.
  7. She will then go back to her roots and move back to her hometown of Wyomissing, Pennsylvania. She will buy a big new house for her and her parents to live in.
  8. She will go back to her roots artistically as well, in Country & Western.
  9. Taylor Swift will join Dan Aykroyd in his Blues Brothers band, which everyone knows specializes in both types of music – Country and Western.
  10. Taylor will try to take on the role of John Belushi. To look the part she will go on a strict diet of cheeseburgers and cocaine.
  11. After a near overdose she will fly to the town of Scotland in the hopes of reuniting with Calvin/Adam.
  12. After a heart-to-heart chat over some haggis and tea, she will propose. Marriage, that is.  He will say  “Aye!”.
  13. The new couple will live the rest of their lives in obscurity, setting up a “Loch Ness Monster Chasing” adventure tourism company.

DRAGONE out.

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