“It’s tough to make predictions, especially about the future” – The Great Yogi Berra
- The heartbroken Calvin Harris will go back to his roots. He will decide that Calvin is too nerdy a name for a hip guy like himself and so will legally change his name back to his birth name, Adam Richard Wiles.
- He will move back to his hometown of Scotland and buy a parrot that he could train to agree with everything he says. He will name the parrot Tay-Tay.
- Old school friends will come to visit him, feigning sympathy in the hopes of receiving substantial “loans” for their new start-up ventures while Calvin/Adam is still vulnerable.
- Calvin/Adam will attempt suicide by drowning, but will be saved by the Loch Ness Monster.
- Nobody will believe him, except for Tay-Tay.
- Taylor Swift will surprise a fan and show up at his wedding to sing “Blank Space”.
- She will then go back to her roots and move back to her hometown of Wyomissing, Pennsylvania. She will buy a big new house for her and her parents to live in.
- She will go back to her roots artistically as well, in Country & Western.
- Taylor Swift will join Dan Aykroyd in his Blues Brothers band, which everyone knows specializes in both types of music – Country and Western.
- Taylor will try to take on the role of John Belushi. To look the part she will go on a strict diet of cheeseburgers and cocaine.
- After a near overdose she will fly to the town of Scotland in the hopes of reuniting with Calvin/Adam.
- After a heart-to-heart chat over some haggis and tea, she will propose. Marriage, that is. He will say “Aye!”.
- The new couple will live the rest of their lives in obscurity, setting up a “Loch Ness Monster Chasing” adventure tourism company.
DRAGONE out.
